Ep 92. How am I supposed to decide?

The decisions that feel the hardest to make, are the ones that are telling us the most. This year is feeling really big and kind of heavy over here at Camp Coach Amy. I'm getting married in June and I'm pretty sure that dragging my feet on some SMALL decisions that felt big is what's creating all this NOT SO EXPANSIVE energy.  

In the process of talking to a friend about my difficulties in choosing my dress, I posed a question that stopped me in my tracks and led me straight to the mic for a live demonstration of self-coaching. 

How am I supposed to decide... Give this a listen and find out then practice what you pick up on yourself. 

This year will NOT feel heavy. It's going to be exciting!

Transcript

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Every time I think about the podcast, I have a decision. What am I gonna talk about? When am I going to record? How long is this going to be? Do I want next week to be a guest? What type of guest do I want to have on the show? What types of questions should I ask them? What type of key words should I put in my SEO? Decisions, decisions, decisions! We live our life making decisions all day, every day, and sometimes we avoid making certain decisions. Today, let's talk about that. I'm Amy, a life and wellness coach. You are listening to Roots Change, A Grow With Me Podcast. Every week, myself and others come on to share something we've learned in our own journey in hopes it helps you in yours. Hello friends. Happy New Year. This is officially the first episode of Roots Change in 2023. I had a hard time returning to the mic after the holiday season. I had a lot of thoughts and feelings about the podcast. You know, I just, let's just be real. I mean, let's always be real, but is there something in your life that you really love to do, but it also feels challenging sometimes and it forces you to Is there anything that you can think of right now, that matches that description? There's a few things in my life at any given moment that I would say, yep, I definitely do that. Well, this podcast is one of them. I love hosting a podcast also sometimes it feels really hard and challenging. There's so many decisions that I've talked about indecision before, but , my unwillingness to make said decisions often leads to stress, And I have decided and I was just gonna put all that on pause for a bit and just not deal with it. Like I was just not. I'm just not going to record until I feel ready and I don't know if I feel ready, but I am ready. So here I am episode, I think 92 of the Roots Changed podcast and I have just decided that this is officially season two. It's just gonna be, I just decided I need to breathe new life into what I'm doing here and something about calling a new season just feels good for me. So welcome to Roots Change, season two. Let me tell you why we're here right now. I am looking for a wedding dress and I'm having a very hard time. The truth is I decided I would not go to a bridal shop. I would not go to any brick and mortar location, try on different styles of dresses and make any decisions from there. I just decided that I wasn't going to do it, and the reason I don't want to do it is because I just don't want to deal with the stress that that creates. It's not worth it to me. The thought of going and trying on clothes feels so overwhelming to me. I have a lot of work to do, um, still with my self-concept. I have a lot of negative self-talk when it comes to body image, when it comes to fashion, like just feeling confident enough to even know if something is right for, for me. If it looks good on me... I have let other people's opinions shift how I feel about myself in different styles of clothes. And so the thought of doing this publicly, like making this intimate decision about my wedding dress, it just feels so fucking bad when I think about going into So I just made a decision very early on that I was just going to spare myself of all of that, even though it would be a great moment of growth for me, because it would, It already pushed me outside of my comfort zone and made me face certain parts of myself to get through that part that was like, This, like I couldn't, right? But even though I really wanted to, like, just admitting that I wanted this wedding was, was really huge. So anyways, there's just certain things I'm not subjecting myself to, because I would like to have a beautiful experience with my partner and have the least And I'm just going to buy my dress online. I don't know if I was like fooling myself?. I don't know if I thought I could, like, I, I thought it would be easier and maybe it is, but I have nothing to compare it to because I've never been in a bridal shop. And I thought it would be easier for me to like just read articles and like make a logical decision. I have watched YouTube videos and read articles about the best type of dress for my body type. So like my height, my shape, my weight. and I know now based on experts in quotation, which I mean they are , I decided like what types of dress I was willing to wear and then I noticed that I had some not so Those dresses are really great for five foot two people that are curvy. Well, I'm not. I don't want to . I want to be really comfortable in what I don't want to do while I am meeting the mister in the aisle is be thinking about standing I do not want to be dealing with my negative self-talk and as far as my body goes on a beautiful day like that. So I still have work to do and so I've decided again to save myself from that and go with something that I already feel confident in. I'm going for an a line with a little bit of poof under my torso. I just feel that I will be more confident and more comfortable in that and because in my mind I tell myself that it is.. I tell myself that if I wear this other style of dress, I'm going to look a certain way and I'm going to be uncomfortable. Therefore, that is true. Our thoughts are a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have a decision. I can get coaching on all of that. I can talk to my therapist about all of that, and I can self coach myself through all of that and build new beliefs in the next four months so that I do feel confident.. Or , or I can just go with the belief I have right now and at the same time work on all that other stuff. Do the things that I know help me to feel energetically good and do the things that help me to feel well: mind, body, spirit, and just have a really good time! The best time I possibly can with where I am right now. And that's what I'm choosing to. But it's still really hard. I'm having such a hard time just when I think I made a decision I bring people in and I ask them for their advice. Now, let me remind you, the whole reason I'm not doing this in a bridal shop is because of other human beings. Like I do not feel comfortable with ano. I do not trust myself to not let expert opinions or the opinions of people I love influence how I feel about myself when it comes to my body right now. My confidence that I have in my body, even the style... it's not just my body, it's me feeling confident that I can choose clothes that look good on me. Like there's a lot of work to do there. And so, even though I'm trying to just avoid that, I'm just trying to, you know, bypass that shit, I still have to face it every time I ask somebody for their opinion because it reopens me to that. So every time I send a dress to someone, and if I'm really excited, which I am, if I send a dress to someone I love, I already love it. Like the amount of minutes and hours that I have went into me making that decision of just those few dresses that I'm willing to send is ridiculous. So when I do, if what I get back, if the response of the reaction from someone doesn't match my energy, it shakes me completely and I kind of crumble. And so that is a sign that there is some serious need for a repair there and I need to do it. And so leading up to my wedding, I will be doing that BUT in the meantime, I still have a decision to make. I went back to the drawing board. I looked at, I don't know, 22 pages of wedding dresses this morning. It took me a couple hours and I just sent, I don't know, 14 I, I settled on 14 that I really liked and, and still uncertain about to a good friend and to my mom to see what they think. Nobody has responded to me. They probably have like learned not to, and I caught myself asking my friend a question or making a statement and it was this that brought me to the mic. I said, hold on, let me tell you exactly what, I'm just gonna pull it up. Cuz I literally just sent it like 30 minutes ago and this is literally why I'm here recording. She was like, I thought you already ordered your dresses? I had decided I was gonna order two and I really loved both of them. Well, I didn't. Because indecision, uh, negative self-talk and all that other junk influenced me, and I went back to the drawing board and labored over So I messaged her and I was like, no. I started looking again, and then I said... this is so profound. How am I supposed to decide? How am I supposed to decide? Hmm, interesting. When I hear myself say something like that, something so basic as, how am I supposed to decide... as somebody who has been working on herself deeply for at least five years, as somebody who is a life and wellness coach, a self-proclaimed and trained life Understands how our nervous system works, understands how we make decisions. Asking somebody, how am I supposed to make a decision, is just a reflection of the energy that I'm in right now. so, so uncertain. So much of a struggle is happening here inside of me. There's so much in that little bit of a question. How am I supposed to decide? Well, I know how I'm supposed to decide. I can self-coach. I can go for a walk and clear my mind and just see what pops up. I can meditate and clear my mind and see what happens. I can ask for guidance about this. I can ask for guidance, like why am I having such a hard time answering? That is, to me, that is like talking, that is spiritual connection and that is also self-coaching at the same time. Like I'm asking, I'm opening a space so that I can receive answers from God or from source spirit, and myself. Like my own soul. When it comes to stuff like this, the answers that we need are usually inside of us already. We just have to work through the goo to get to it. I can ask for, for guidance from other people. I can talk to my coach about it. I mean, hello! I can just say, Hey, why does this decision feel so hard? And then they will ask me the types of questions that will lead me into the goo so that I can find my answers. I can talk to a friend and essentially create the same type of thing, or just get some help and support. And just talking about it might help me understand what's happening under the surface. There's so many ways, I'm going to show you just one. I already am. This is me in the process of self-coaching. So many times when I take to the mic it is because I am working through something. I self-coach on this podcast so many times, and if you pay attention, you will catch it. You'll see that there's a problem and I work out the solution and by the end, I feel so empowered and I feel like it is a sturdy place to stand on whatever it is that I decide. I feel good about it. It's foundation setting stuff. I don't know. Oh my gosh. Riveting, right? All the great words. Okay, so.. If you have a decision to make and you're having a really hard time, it can be any area of your life, you're gonna know what it is right now. Just me asking there's something that will draw... something's coming to surface. Pay attention. If there is something in your life that you are having a really hard time making a decision about, let it come up into your mind. See it there. Hold it in your mind. Hold it in your mind's eye. I don't know what you wanna call it. See it, look at it. Sit with it, even if it feels funky or bad, whatever. And ask yourself, why is this such a hard decision for me to make? Why is this so hard for me to decide? Why is it so hard for me to decide which wedding dress to., why is it so hard for you to decide if you're going to go after that promotion? Why is it so hard for you to decide if you're going to be the first one to call after that date? Why is it so hard for you to decide if you're going to try again? Whatever it is. Why is it so hard for me to decide? How does it feel when you ask yoursellf that? When I am painted right now, how I feel, I feel, um, shaky. I feel vulnerable. Ooh. I feel very, very vulnerable. I feel exposed and raw. I have built up some very, very, very strong walls and just asking myself, why is it hard for me to decide what wedding dress to buy. It feels really scary. It feels not scary. I feel exposed. I feel softened. I feel vulnerable, and the thoughts that are coming to service, the things that I am thinking, the visions that I'm having. The things that I can hear like audibly in my brain, the things that are being shown to me are, what if I don't look good? What if I don't feel confident? What if I have to like fuss with it while I'm walking down the aisle and it takes me away from the moment that I'm.. What if people have something to say about it? What if I can't hold up my boobs? Like all these different things. All these like normal things that probably everybody thinks about because I don't know, maybe you have no, like maybe your self-esteem is like spot on and you've I'm not there yet. Like this is an area of growth for me. It's a hell of a lot better than it was, but I'm not there yet. And as I'm thinking of these things, if you could see me, I'm like sitting cross-legged in my chair. I am clenching in my fist. I'm holding, I put my hands in these fists when, um, I feel vulnerable and I have both hands kind of like fisted, but one is over over the other. Like I'm just holding them and I'm self soothing myself as I'm talking. So I know this is the truth. I can feel that this is the truth. I can feel that I'm being honest with myself, that what I've asked for is being answered and I'm being shown what the struggle is for. The struggle for me is what if I don't feel confident and it affects me? What if it takes away from this moment that I have with the man that I love and will be marrying? That's really truly what it is, and that's so simple, like that's so solvable. That's not even that big of a deal, honestly, because I know how to support myself in the moment. I know how to feel good no matter what. It might take work, but I know that I'm capable of doing the work. So what if I buy a dress I don't like? Now what? Now I'm in the part of the self coaching to where I'm thinking about how I want to think about this. So whatever that decision is for you, whatever feels so hard to decide, for all the different reasons. It feels hard for you to decide for the truth because of the thoughts that you have about that decision, for how those thoughts make you feel. Maybe it's your past. Maybe it's unhealed things, maybe it's deep conditioning. No matter what it is, whatever it is, how it makes you feel is going to make it very hard to move forward because you don't wanna feel like that. You wanna feel good in your decision making! You wanna feel in control over the outcome of your decision, whatever that decision is for you. I know for me, I don't want to make the wrong decision and then feel all fucked up and like a moment that matters so much to me. So now I'm shifting into solution, or not quite yet solution, but how do I want to feel? How do I want to think about myself? How do I want to feel about myself? What type of energy do I want in that moment? I want to feel confident. Obviously, I'm talking about the lack thereof. I'm talking about the fear that I have that I won't feel confident that I'll be like adjusting my boobs or that, you know what I'm saying. Like I'll be like shimming my dress and just trying to feel confident in that moment, but that doesn't even matter because I wanna feel connected. I want my eyes locked on his! I want everything else to fade out of my sight. I want the the light to dim on everyone but him and my friend who's the officiant. I want everybody else to fade into the background and I want to be present in that moment, just me and just him. And I know that I can create that and I know that he will pull me into that himself. That's his ability. That's like one of the reasons that we're getting married, so I know that that's going to happen no matter what I'm wearing. That's not even important. What I'm wearing is the least important part. How I feel is what matters most. The experience is what matters most and it's not my dress that's going to make that experience mean something significant. It's going to be how I feel on that day. The lack of stress, the energy I have when I wake up that morning, how I feel getting ready, how I feel with like the grass touching my feet, how I feel walking to him will How I feel with his hands and mine. This is the stuff that matters. The dress doesn't even matter. Now the now that decision doesn't even feel so hard now that this is the just a decision. That's how I feel now. I feel like that is just a decision and I could just, I could just choose any dress. I can just choose any dress. What about you? Where, where does this process take you? Can you just make a decision no matter what the decision is and feel good about it? What do you need to feel good about that decision? What is stopping you from making the decision, aside from all the other stuff? What can you do to make that decision easier? I know what I can do now, It just now dawned on me. I can just, you know, get myself measured . That's just something I'm avoiding because , self-talk. But it doesn't matter. They're just measurements. It's just circumstantial stuff. It has nothing to do with the whole reason why this event is important to me. This is just a body. Those are just numbers, and this is just something that will make it more likely that the dress fits my body, right. So that's something that I can do. This is an actionable step that I can take today to make that decision easier. So that's what I'm gonna do when I get done with this, when the mister gets home. God willing, , God willing, he knows how to do this with me, but me and him are gonna spend some time tonight measuring the bod and he's gonna help me figure out I'm just gonna pick two dresses and I'm just gonna order 'em. And that'll be that cuz it doesn't matter.. It's not the dress, it's the purpose behind it. It's the intent. Doesn't matter what the dresses style like, doesn't matter what it looks like. Doesn't matter what fucking color it is. All that matters is how I feel and that the intent is realized and that we walk out of there as forever partners, even though we would be regardless I will be in a dress that I feel beautiful in because I am beautiful, and I can affirm that because it is true and I know how to help In moments where I slip into self-doubt and self-talk, I start to feel bad. I know how to pull myself out of that. I have been for years, and so I know that I will no matter what I will feel confident cause I'll make sure of that. I've proven to myself time and time and time and time again that I can count on myself, that I can rely on myself, and that I can use the tools that I have in the moment I need the most. So I will, and I'm going to support myself that entire day, and it's going to be beautiful.. So now I'm imagining how it's going to feel. I'm imagining it as if it's taking place as and as though it has already taken place and I'm building the belief that it will be like that. I'm building the belief that it will be beautiful, that I will feel beautiful, and that I will be locked on him and he will be locked on me, and everything else will fade to the back. And then we will just celebrate our fucking assess off and it will be delightful, and I can't wait. I have a decision to make. I got a dress to buy. I'm excited to buy this dress. I'm excited for this decision to be done. I'm going to feel so much better when I make this decision. I now feel excited. I fucking feel excited to just order this damn dress.. Fuck the dress. I don't even care about the dress, although like, I mean, I do, let's be honest, I do because I've never, like, this is important to me. I'm very excitedbut fuck the dress. That's just a piece of clothes that goes on this body that he just wants to touch anyway. Like you don't care about that dress. He cares about the person in it, and we are going to have such a fabulous time. Whatever your decision is, however hard it feels, is it really the decision or is there something that you're afraid of? This is an invitation to work with that, to get in it and play with . To be curious about what's really going on underneath the surface I'm not lying when I tell you I feel excited to buy this dress., I'm a hundred percent being honest. My complete, my energy has completely shifted. I am buzzing. I'm excited to buy my dresses so that I am done with indecision like, My God... onto the next thing. I can't wait to try on and I can't wait to meet my seamstress because I did find one and she looks lovely and I feel that I will feel safe in her care because that's what I picked dang. You know how to take care of you? You do know how to take care of you. Ask yourself, how can I support myself in this moment? How can I make this decision process easier? What do I need to solve in order to make this decision feel easier? Effortless. What does it take to feel excited about just getting the decision over with all good questions. I have spent 30 minutes talking about decisions. This is self-coaching in real time. This is what it looks like. I could do this myself or I can do this with somebody else. I've been doing this for a very long time. If I never have been coached, if I never learned how to self-coach, I would not know to do these things. I would just be stuck in this self-sabotage cycle of negative self-talk, indecision, overwhelm, and I would feel like shit longer. Screw that!. I wanna feel good more. I wanna live the life I love right now, and just making this decision is going to help me to do that. Do that for yourself, friend. And if you want to learn how to self coach. Through being coached, like by experiencing it and learning how to do it firsthand with another person. I have space for 18 more clients this year. I'm taking on 20 a weekly, one-on-one coaching a full year if you're there for it. However long you need it, it's there. You don't even need it., let's be honest, you don't need coaching. It just helps and it feels good. I have so much love for you. There's so much available to you. You know the answers. They are inside of. Ask yourself the questions and create a space for those answers to be drawn out. Roots change with every choice you make. Until the next time, you are loved, you are worthy, and you can achieve anything.