Ep 100. Dancing in the Rain with Hazel Thomas

Today is a real treat. I'm joined by my friend from across the pond, Hazel Thomas. Hazel lives in North East England and is the proud mom to her amazing twin boys; she is a parent carer, social entrepreneur, published author, and meditation and mindfulness practitioner. 

This episode will not just inspire and empower parent carers, the wisdom shared is the fuel we can all use to live a happier, positive, more mindful life.

Learn More About Hazel Below.

• Visit The Website: https://dancingintherain.uk/
• Be Friends On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dancingintherainuk
• Follow on Instagram: https://instagram.com/dancingintherainuk

Transcript

Amy: 0:01

who isn't guilty of saying they don't have time for something they know they need? who falls victim of their life circumstances? So many, myself included for a really long time. Friends, today's guest is inspirational. I am so excited for you to hear this conversation. You're about to meet a friend I met through. social media. Hazel Thomas, a mom of two, an advocate for families that care their children who have additional needs and disabilities. And frankly, her message is one the entire universe needs. It's beautiful. Hang on. You're gonna be so glad you listened. I'm Amy, a life and wellness coach. You are listening to Roots Change, A Personal Growth podcast for people like us. Every week, myself and others come on to share stories from their own journey, tips, tools, and things we've learned along the way and hopes it helps you and yours. Hazel, thank you so much for joining me today on The Roots Changed podcast. We're recording the day after International Women's Day and to interview someone like you feels right because you are an inspiration. We've known each other for a couple of years, but most of my listeners probably have no idea who you are or why you're here. We know. But why don't you start this conversation by just giving everybody a sense of yourself

Hazel: 1:54

My name is Hazel. I'm in the uk, so we haven't actually met as such We're on the other side of the ocean. I'm a single mom with two twin boys who are absolutely my life. Yeah, they both have lots of challenges. So that's, I guess one of the reasons that I think we are talking about the inspiration Now I very much don't feel like an inspirational person that's very kind of you. I run a wellbeing business. It's all about helping parent carers who are in a similar situation to me. I'm very passionate about the outdoors and yeah, I think that's probably where I was. Start with me. . Amy: I hate introductions. Just let's be clear. It's always so uncomfortable, but I mean, they don't know you, so I'm sorry to put you through that, but yes, you're absolutely correct. Everybody. Hazel has two children, correct? Yeah. All right. You never know.

Amy: 2:51

Maybe there's a third sneaking one in.

Hazel: 2:55

Oh my gosh.

Amy: 2:56

She has two children. She just, right before I press record, just told me that she's gotten about 15 hours of sleep this week. And as a mom myself, I've said things like that. I've. Dramatized my reality. But for you, Hazel, and for so many unspoken heroes like you, of being a mom and a care provider for children with additional needs or disabilities, I know that is not a dramatization. That is your reality and you're still here and you made time for me. And even more special is you make time for yourself and help other. Caregivers or parents make time for themselves and prioritize their wellbeing, and that's why I've asked you to come here. So why don't you start, I guess by just giving us a little background about your, if you feel comfortable, like your motherhood story and how you came to be the provider

Hazel: 4:11

So I guess I had quite a rocky start to motherhood. They were planned, however, who plans for twins ? That was probably the biggest shock to the system. Yeah, so it, they're very, it was a very, very strange day. I found out we were having twins. They kind of put you through all this kind of chaos of what ifs of things that may happen, things that may be issues and I remember on that day of it Of course it'll be fine. We got fairly through the pregnancy. We thought that actually most of the fears that we were warned about were coming. Massive issues during pregnancy. Monitored three times a week. It was a really tough, I I loved being pregnant, don't get me wrong. And that sounds a weird thing to say cause it was quite stressful. And I loved them kind of being in the end of, and even from pregnancy, they had their own little personalities, which is amazing that I was told that I would have them very, very early probably not making it to 30 weeks of my pregnancy. They did incredibly well and we got to 35 weeks. One with no issues amazingly. My other little boy went into the special care unit. We knew at that point there were issues, although the pediatrician was like, I don't understand how such a tiny baby is doing so amazingly well and is so stubborn. That's stubborn. That is something that very much continues. Yeah, so I didn't get 'em home till a couple of days before Christmas eight years ago. Which is an incredible thing to have them home at Christmas.

Amy: 5:45

How old are your children now? Oh yeah. Duh. You just said that. I'm so sorry. Eight years old. Can I quickly just tell you or just to share with everybody and anybody who's had a child, whether naturally or through a generous person... like that whole pregnancy, there's so many things that we worry about already and having like the added fears and concerns that come along with like a duplicate pregnancy, I just can't even imagine. And then you're learning that there's been some things that could be a concern later, and like the hardships that as a mom, carrying and her baby's like held. I just don't know. I'm just, here's my point, is this extremely stressful to be pregnant. It's very scary and like it's important that , that we try to , you know, like regulate ourself or, not feel terrible because like we know our babies can be affected by our health and our wellbeing. So even if you remember, cuz eight years ago is a long time ago, but how did you, how did you process all of those emotions and make it to week 35? Cuz that's huge

Hazel: 7:09

It's something I hadn't actually thought about going into on this. There was a lot of relationship issues around that started in pregnancy. We'll go, I, I don't really wanna go into too much detail, but there were other issues going on as well. Which definitely did not help my stress levels. I guess just continuing that as nature's always been a big thing to me. So actually just getting out and, and even if that was like a lunchtime walk from work or even just literally sitting outside for five minutes, that's always been a thing that I've loved to do. I probably didn't think too much. The process of that or what that was actually doing, or it being about my wellbeing, I guess, at the time that it was just kind of felt like a natural thing to do when it always has done. I guess I've always had quite a stressful, erratic life career. So I did have that in my back of my mind, naively that you have before you become unborn of, oh, it'll be fine. I can cope cause of x y., Amy: but that probably also at the same time helped you. Yeah, I would think because like when we're telling ourselves like we're, it's going to be okay, like no matter what, even in worst case scenarios, you know, it's just very, very, very hard. But I think your mindset during your pregnancy probably definitely was part of the , like self soothing magic cuz the Lord have mercy. I can't even imagine. Yeah. And so some of it is that you just get kind of caught up in it. I think so the, we were scanned three times a week, so some of it's, I think, and I think that still goes now, that like being in a process and having Right what we do with this and we do this You're dealing with the here and now. And again, that's possibly something I hadn't really thought about at that time that you're dealing with now. And not dealing with those next steps necessarily, that actually concentrating on this issue, this moment is a way to keep the mind calm.

Amy: 9:09

That's very good advice to anybody who might be in a similar situation now, I might be listening who is pregnant and they are a high risk pregnancy Or just having, focusing like on the right now and not looking at the long term was probably brilliant. Unfortunately, eight years ago I was not you. Like I would've had such a hard time like staying in the now and not letting my anxiety get the best of me. So kudos to you and God. anyway. All right, keep going. I'm so sorry,. Hazel: It's all right. So yeah, so well, we got them home. Kind of little bits of challenges came forward, but nothing, well, it didn't feel massive. Obviously they were first children. You don't have, I didn't have another comparison. And you do get a hold of that kind of, , how would you cope with twins? Well, I dunno any difference. So I cope with twins. I guess we were, so, I guess the first concerns were probably around nine-ish months. When one of my little boys still wasn't eating. And that was, I still wasn't sitting up while doing the things that like, I guess he's supposed to. But again, like I said, my comparison was that I didn't have another child to compare to apart. My other son. So that's when services started getting involved. It did become quite stressful, but we, it started slowly kind of getting support around us. At 14 months old, I became a single mom after a Rocky Road . A very difficult time. To be honest, it was absolutely the best thing. I suddenly was able to deal with the things myself in my own routine with my kids who still at that time didn't sleep. Obviously we had lots of other challenge going on. But then I was able to find ways in time of, of working that out. It was still really stressful and I was still kind of in the mindset of. I'm just gonna do it. I guess , I can do everything. I can do it. I've, I've always been the kind of person who just gets on and does and is always quite insistent that I can manage So I was working kind of, I guess three quarters ish time. It wasn't full-time, but it was more than part-time. The boys were in nursery and we were applauding along, I guess until I realized. We weren't plugging along, we were really, really struggling. There was appointments we had about hospital appointments kind of three or four times a week every week. And at work that meant still kind of catch up that there wasn't kind of facility provision not to do the work that wasn't getting done. And I got to the point, I think there were around three that I just went, right, something's gotta give it obviously can't be me. So at that point was when I left. Which is a massive change for me cuz I like, I've worked a lot all of my life. I mean, in jobs working like 80 hour weeks and stuff like that. So to not work was huge for me to make that decision. Fully expecting to just walk into some self-employment., don't we all actually do ? Well, no, I did actually start doing it straight away, but so I left at Christmas, which it seemed quite a good time to be for a. Pretty quickly realized that just giving up work was not going to solve all my problems, , mm-hmm., it was not gonna make life suddenly better because all I've done is take something out. And that actually what we needed was something in and for me that was when my wellbeing journey started properly. How many years ago was this? I think. Five. Yeah. So 2018. So Jan, January, January, February, 2018. Hazel, 2018 must have been like a year that is like, it's not just you and or me, but that was like my year too. Like where I looked at my, like I evaluated our circumstances way different. The things that we were dealing with are way different, but also very much similar. But that was the same year. It was like March, February, February of 2018 is when I was like, okay, something's gotta give and I'm, I'm tired of this. I think it's interesting that it was the same time. Yeah. That's really interesting. Yeah. Literally the same time. I'll say it was January, February for me, so, yeah. That's amazing. I wonder what was happening in the astrology.. Interesting, wasn't it? Yeah. I mean, it was for me, it. Sorry, go. You go. Don't worry about this. I'll be editing this out. What you, what you said, and I don't know if people really caught it, but what you said was so profound. Oh, dang it. Now I don't know what order you said it in, you said, I realized that I let something go, but what I needed to do was let something in or something like that. Is that how you said

Hazel: 14:06

it? Yeah. So putting something back into life,

Amy: 14:09

yes, putting something back in and how like, hmm, like how many of us do that? Like we think that by letting something go that is stressing, that is causing excessive stress and overwhelm, like we think that that is the solution, but if nothing changes, nothing changes. Like that's just one little piece. So would you share a little bit about that journey?. Hazel: Yeah, so I think it was quite a slow journey though that I kind of So I started doing self-employment entirely different, what I'm doing now, which was upcycling furniture. And I'd been self-employed previously, but very, very differently. So actually what I thought was right, well, I need to get a handle on how to be self employ. So started joining random business groups as you do and happened upon one which had some truly amazing people in it most of which are still in my life now actually. That we, I met through the business group and a lot of them had wellbeing businesses. and slowly cog started to turn of, oh, actually I'm, I'm interested in what they're doing and how they're improving their wellbeing and how that can work for me. So actually I started joining little bits of what they were doing. And that was when I was able to start kind of, I can't think of the right words, but just realizing how much difference I could make to the situation. I think I very much had the mindset at that time, particularly around services for my kids, that I was hoping someone else would come in and make that Wave, have a magic wand and make it all better. No, I totally get it. You were looking for someone to help you, someone to come and like rescue you and help you out of your situation. And what you did is by observing other people that were prioritizing their wellbeing and helping other peoples to do the same. You tried on some of their tools and you found out that what you were looking for you could create within.

Hazel: 16:08

What I did find though, and I guess this is kind of where other thoughts started, was in my situation, so I don't have anyone to look after children. Yes, I had some of my days free, but it's pretty short the amount of day time that I have, even though I'm not going out to work. That then accessing stuff was really, really it was really difficult to find stuff online. I bought a Murad of books like people do. So I was accessing tiny little bits, but actually stuff that really worked for me was incredibly hard to find that it was snippets of stuff and it was really difficult to I did find, , but it was scattered on the very edges of the internet, I guess, and then books and, and then, and going to little bits and bobs that I could go to. Like I, I went to a yoga class, but like literally for like 10 weeks, and then they moved it by 15 minutes, which meant that I couldn't go any longer. But the, the, the barriers to me accessing stuff felt bigger than me actually. Going on my self-development journey. So that's quite been a quite a big thing for me, and that's kind of where we've led up to me. Well, I guess that kind of takes us to lockdown that kind of bit of Yeah. That obviously that was huge for everybody.

Amy: 17:26

It was. But I, let's just acknowledge that when you are a caregiver to. People with additional needs or people with disabilities, however you would identify if you're listening. That is a barrier, and I made them . I was one of those people and I'm, I'm, I'm not gonna say I'm ashamed to say it, I was just naive and out of touch with reality. But when I first started like life coaching and all of that, I was really under the belief. I really truly believe that your thoughts created everything. And to a point they do. But also like our circumstances are all very different, and people's life experience and the hardships and the barriers. make it harder. And I feel, because I did it myself, that somebody who has no idea what it is, like taking care of people who need more of you and that require things that take, like you can't just. A 15 minute yoga session isn't going to keep me from yoga. Like a change. A 15 minute change of time is not for me going to be the make it or break it like it's not a deal breaker. But for you and for so many people like you, it really is. And I think it's important as a society, especially in the personal and development industry and as people who prioritize our. As peers, it's very important that we recognize that we're all differently abled because of you are differently abled because your children are And so what you did to me is even more amazing because. It was more difficult and you still have been able to show up how you are and, and make huge changes for yourself. So anyway, I'll get off my soapbox. Hazel: Sorry. That's fine. No, it's exactly that. I mean, raising awareness actually is really important to me, that actually my job previously was around helping families with disabilities, helping people with disabilities. And even in that world, I really did not realize the challenges that I faced by families that are living it every day. I think it's so hidden. And people, it's e even simple things that just aren't, aren't aware of. And it's, I think there is a bit of a taboo about sin even. I mean, I know parent carers who would never daresay some of the stuff that they experience cause people. either don't wanna hear it, or you've got that impression that people don't want to and you don't wanna be that person that's always negative, and that's not really where I come from. But you, it feels like that's what people are hearing almost. So yes, raising awareness is really important to me. Yeah, I was just, sorry, I was gonna go back to the, to, to where I was kind of, yeah. Starting out like, so. Weird world coincidences. We'll go for that actually it was the February of 2020 that I started a little period really, I guess it was forced me just like, here's some nice positive posts It was just a place to. A bit of a community maybe for other people like me who struggled to get out and about and see people. And then say, then along came lockdown. I'll say it was a big change. Why I mentioned it was a big change. Cause actually it was really different for me than it was for many people, I think. Because actually it wasn't a big change.. We, I, we couldn't get places so the kids didn't go to school, obviously, but because we were so limited at being able to get out already because we couldn't Massive. But what did happen is that other people started experiencing that, and that was huge for me, that people could see a bit into our world and what it also meant that so much went online. I mean, whoever has had heard of Zoom before, like , I sure somebody had, but I'm like the whole world now knows what it is. and there was little labels off. I mean, I jumped on so many things that suddenly became available online. I could suddenly attend courses, I could talk to people online on proper, a video. I mean, I know it existed before, but like, I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah. So all of those things that was just like, oh my God, actually, the access could be there. Like I said, I jumped on so. Courses and and joined groups and took part in challenges and social events that, I mean, yes, a lot of them have disappeared again, but that All of these things available. It was amazing. Yeah. That's how we met. I mean, not in that type of a group, but in a group like in the Get Ready to Rise group. So friendships were built between people, businesses were created, communities formed. I am like you to wear. I can look at that specific hardship, which was very hard for a lot of people. Like, I mean, let's, like depression and like, just, it was, I'm not gonna pretend it wasn't terrible, but for me as somebody who I appreciated the fact that everybody else was home like me because it like fed me. It meant that other people were seeking out other people . And it just, it was like so many new opportunities and I built so many friendships and also just like you a business.

Hazel: 23:28

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, aga again, it's that I would say about get, like, get ready to rise. Sarah was one of the people I met in the very first business group. I don't, we kind of joined a bit later, but yeah. The business world weirdly, actually offered up so much more to me. So I'm not necessarily talking about parent carers. I am talking about finding communities of people who understood and who got me and who saw my vision. And actually, there's been a lot of support from people around that notch and more than I would've expected. It was just like, I'm sorry, put my teeth. But I think you found, I found people who understood and understood where I was coming from that I probably wouldn't have found in real life. Yeah. It's

Amy: 24:15

like a whole new world opened up for you Yeah. From your home. Yeah. Which I think is amazing. So you talked about you talked about, it's interesting to me because you talked about how challenging it was for you to. Like the resources to help yourself, like your wellbeing, like you said, like you had to find them in like the far edges of the internet and it sounds like finding help And so my guess. is the, well, let me just ask, is that part of what you do in your service?

Hazel: 25:03

Yeah, absolutely. So it ca it came from, funnily off one of these business challenges that I, I was still trying to do the upcycling thing. I got literally like an hour into one of the business, like kind of visibility type. And I was like, I don't want to do this for this. I want to do this for the parent carers. I want to do the wellbeing stuff because there is suddenly, well not suddenly, but I suddenly realized the possibilities that were available I'm finding two people. So bring. Stores that knowledge together, bringing those people together having little webinars and Facebook lives and having that access that I had struggled with even if it was just little People being at home. So things like yoga and stuff were then available online. I mean, I know there was YouTube and things before, but actually having a time and a person to do it with actually makes a difference. And it's that accountability, isn't it? So I see in those possibilities was why I then kind of started in the direction of it being an actual business. Let's bring it to the world. Let. Not have other people struggle like I did too. When they want to improve their wellbeing, when they want to go through self-improvement and look at themselves, that actually there isn't the b the same barriers that I face. That, that, that there's a way to do that without it being yet. Another thing to do is to just find the stuff in the first place.

Amy: 26:44

Could you talk to me a minute and talk to everybody, I guess? About some of. The things that you had to face within yourself because I know for all of us, when it comes to creating change, first of all, it's very hard to see It's very hard to see beyond that, especially because for you, I feel it was extra hard because what you told us in the very beginning of our conversation is that you were used to struggl., like it sounds like this is something like you've lived, it's just been hard, it sounds like from the, from maybe or very early on. I don't know it, what, if you wanna put a number on it, but so we get used to everything being hard and if we're used to everything being hard and like So what are some of., the barriers that came up from yourself for yourself? Like what are some of the things that you told yourself? What are some of the things that you had to work through in order to actually move forward in ways that felt good?

Hazel: 27:57

I guess to be, you know, to be, to perfectly honest, a lot of it comes from my children. Not that they're the barriers, but the other way that, that they're the kind of inspiration of. Some of it is I want them to have an amazing childhood and life and have access to have the things that they want. I also don't want to experience some of the things that I've experienced. So that's kind of some of the Kickstarter, I guess, for right? What, what do we look at next to make that happen? I was very highly stressed all of the time. I still have moments of this now, but firefighting is probably the word that I would use, that we just, there isn't time for any of the other stuff because there's always something to deal with. There was a very, very stressed household. I'm aware I've used that word a lot of stress, but it really, really was that it was just, it was heightened that the children were struggling and I was struggling. it was a bit of a vicious circle all of the time that there was never a, it felt like there was never time to be anything other than stressed. It felt like we had to deal with now and next, and next, and next and next, and there was never a time to be anything else. Be me, I guess, with some of it. But I was very, very lost. I have no idea. I, I'd still struggle now with. Of who am I? It's very, very different than it was. I guess I did very much struggle with that, that many mothers do have. I've just become mom, especially when I lost my job, which was quite a bit of big part of my identity. Yeah. Is working. Highness is obviously a huge issue and what comes with that? Because it really does. everything. I mean, I, I did on three separate occasions. I dunno, I don't, this is . I've had a clinical diagnosis of sleep de deprivation, . So we are definitely at the point of, we are very much struggling with sleep and Mindfulness was something that I'd kind of heard batted around and I really resisted it. And I don't really know why at the time I can't kind of answer. I think it's kind of something that's not for me. I don't have time for that. And I, I hear a lot of parent car, so actually that I don't have time for me, I don't have time for these woowoo things. I don't have time to do anything other than care for the kids. a big wake of call for me is how to make it better for my kids. Thought I, that, that, that we can't carry on. So how do we make it better? Mm-hmm., Amy: so you, you used being there for your children as a catalyst for change for yourself. Sometimes that's what it takes. Yeah. Because you are responsible for them. and that, and, and my whole wellbeing actually has been the catalyst. So like, like it's been five years, so it hasn't been kind of, I've done everything all at once. It's definitely been a process.. I said mindfulness is probably the first thing that I kind of went. Oh, actually when you say, when

Amy: 31:08

you say mindfulness, what does mind, what do you mean? Because some people don't know. Some people will hear mindfulness, like you said, maybe there is a caregiver or a parent of a child with different needs or disabilities or additional needs. And they're hearing this and they're like, I don't have. for this woowoo shit. I don't have time for mindfulness. So why don't you just kind of walk us through what mindfulness is to you?

Hazel: 31:32

So for me, it doesn't need to take hardly any time. And if I'm talking to people, what I say is start with one minute, literally sit and actually you can do a really basic thing. Sit and look at you, watch for a minute. You will suddenly realize quite how long a minute is, which you. Kind of, it just time disappears and that's some of it that you kind of don't realize. So start with actually looking at short periods of time and then start with five minutes and that's all your aim is. So mindfulness is spending those five minutes on those five minutes. It is being that it is not having any judgment about what's going on around you or life. It's not thinking about what you've just done or what you're doing next. It's. Here and now and what you're doing in that moment, and then using techniques to keep you in that moment. Such as, I mean, you could do the kind of there rather. We will, we guess bits of it that you can, you can, you can go and find a meditation online and I absolutely advocate meditations. I meditate every day. Now, what is a starting., you don't need to do that. You can go and watch the clouds go past for five minutes. You can watch an ant run around your garden. What would, I was just gonna say, even things like doing the washing up, watch the bubbles. Like we don't very often just stop and observe what we are doing, and that's what mindfulness is. We don't have to be doing anything different. It's just observ. No,

Amy: 33:09

what happens? What is the change? So let's pretend that I'm that person who's, you know, struggling, overwhelmed and everything. I don't feel like I have any time at all, and you're telling me to spend a minute looking at my watch. I don't have time for that. What is the benefit of spending a minute, five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, just being present in the

Hazel: 33:31

right now? It's got huge benefits actually in so many. The first one is you almost immediately will slow your heart rate, which obviously is feeding stress. It's feeding anxiety, it's giving your brain time to just catch up because when we're going 50 million hours an hour, actually we're not processing it. It's giving your brain that time, it's giving you body time. Just go, oh, actually it's can affect your sleep, even, even really sharp periods because your brain's just. it's had that little mini rest. Obviously the more you do that can impact, but starting and making that change is actually quite big. Like you said, for the people who say, I haven't got time, and I was absolutely one of those people. But the impact is huge. Very, very often I hear, I don't know how you. this is one of the rares. I do it guilty. I'm pretty sure I

Amy: 34:27

have said that to

Hazel: 34:28

you. This is how I do it. This is my style. Like I have a couple of things that there's no way I would not do around my whole wellbeing, but actually finding moments in my dear to be mindful I would never give up. Now knowing the impact it's had on me, but also on my family and my house. How has it changed

Amy: 34:51

your household? Just that, just the, well, hold on, let me back up. I have a tendency of thinking something and then saying it when you're done telling us what those things are that you will never give up because you know how it impacts you and your family. Will you tell us then how it has shifted that stressed out household? Feeling that there was there like that energy.

Hazel: 35:15

I'm gonna say about the stress out household a bit cuz you are, the bits are kind of a bit more about general wellbeing. So it is literally that's the stressed out household that actually everything became calmer. Mm. We absolutely still have very stressed moments, but there a lot less. And some days there isn't. There's hardly any. And that is incredible because we went from a point where it just felt. Everything was hard all of the time, whereas now we can find moments and actually it, it impacts on your happiness because you can see those moments. So the whole house is calmer. Life is easier, life is happier. I haven't got all the answers. Don't for a second think that it's all solid, but having those moments, Having that time, being able to give that to my children as well. It's something we do as a family so that they're learning those skills. I mean, but I would absolutely have loved for someone in my childhood, so gone. We can just do this. And actually children do do it if you watch them, that they do have the, that kind of wide-eyed wonder. Let's look at that and running around, let's look at that leaf on that tree, that fascination. They do it. We've forgotten how. So actually doing it with your children makes a huge difference too. And, and that's really important for me that I'm. Wanna have a better word. Cause I feel, I think it gets wrong. I'm modeling my behavior and so I am impacting their future as well as them. Now listen, this is the

Amy: 36:46

Roots Change podcast. It's all about how we change ourselves and how that impacts the world around us. So modeling my like that is the right way to say it, because that is what you're doing and they're watching. And I will say, just hearing you a few minutes ago, talking. Looking at your watch for a minute and just being there and looking at the leaves and just hearing you talk and the energy that shifted in you when you were talking about Literally can impact people in profound ways, even when you are not like right there with them, just from observing somebody you can change somebody's life.

Hazel: 37:36

Yeah, absolutely. And, and that observation's really important actually. And again, finding ways to do that. I mean like one of my other love is photography. And I had completely abandoned that since becoming a mom. And now I do a lot, as you know, I quite often share photos of the world around me and the moon. I love the moon . I'm a bit obsessed with the moon, but that's part of it that like actually taking a photo, spending time looking at a camera and getting a nice photo, that's all part of mindfulness. It's something that perhaps, perhaps we forget to yeah, just kind of taken each. Little thing and, and, and it becomes a bigger thing. Like I said, the I use the photography of my mindfulness, but actually doing that for me too because it's something I love that I just didn't do because I'm a mom. Everything's got to go into my kids. But my happiness and my wellbeing again is part of being a good mom, I think, and making that future, I'm really, really sorry. Don't be sorry. And that kind of where I will be in a j I'm sorry, I'm kind of moving onto to you were saying about the my Neglectable stuff.

Amy: 38:42

Can you, sorry, can you resay, cause I'll have to edit that part out, but can you resay what photography, like how that impacts your, like happiness again?

Hazel: 38:52

So photography for me, Encompasses quite a lot of things. So it's about, I, I use it as a mindfulness tool. And it's a, for me thing, it's something that I love that I'd abandoned because I was a mom and I thought that I had to spend all my time doing mom things, but actually impacts my happiness, and even now that my son's kind of like, are you not taking your camera? I allowed you kind of joke that it's my third baby, so if we're going somewhere that I have to look after my baby camera too. That sometimes it becomes a bit of a thing. But yeah. I mean we went This is a complete side fight phone. I'm going for it. We went chasing the aurora the other night cuz we've been seeing it in the northeast. And both my kids were absolutely up for the fact that mommy was driving around with a camera trying to catch the Aurora. And that's quite sweet that we were doing that together, even though it's a bit crazy , it's, I don't think

Amy: 39:47

it's crazy at all. And I did see that and I was so excited and I had the biggest smile when I saw that. And what you did is you took them on an adventure and you. For them that even when you're grown, like even when you're an adult, you can still chase after the Aurora. Like you can still look for magical things because they're all around us. I think that's beautiful. Like what a beautiful thing to do for your kids. I wish I would've been in the car with you,. Hazel: We will find it. Amy: So I've heard two big things so far about like what you do. So you re like your non-negotiables are moments of mindfulness. And for me, like this is for me time. Like these are things that I'm not giving up. What else do you got?

Hazel: 40:36

So for me, and this is probably more recent stuff, that wellbeing's actually a really holistic thing, that it's not just. The little things, and it's not just, I think we do kind of pocket it as stuff, but actually we need to look at the whole person and everything that's going on because it all feeds into each other. So I've been looking a lot more about my physical health lately, and even basic things like putting off going to the doctors. I've been to the doctors and I have ended up with some extra diagnosis just to kind of step in the mix. But actually, Having that means that we can tackle it. Yes. And it's really important and it's the stuff we forget. But then it's really basic things as well, like being hydrated that impacts everything. Like first thing I do and my kids know, it's the first thing I do is I drink two glasses of water every morning. I have two glasses of water and then drink it through the day. And again, it's the things we forget that actually the really simple. But we don't do them. And again, it's my kid. It's inspiration. My kids are the point of it that I want to be around as long as I possibly can in the best possible case I can. So I walk every day. I, I hit my minimum steps and, and more having that water looking after myself, making sure we have a decent diet. The stuff that you forget, the stuff that you kind of. Slice really tough. So do you know what? I'm gonna go and I'm gonna have that load of junk food and we don't not have junk food. Actually it's giving me energy. It's improving my sleep, it's joy, my kids, that we are important enough to do that far. Right.

Amy: 42:23

That makes total sense. So I just wanna quickly say to anybody, including you, I if you don't know this, but like that's normal, like that's your brain's job, is to, it's reaching for Like, let's go back to like, you know, way back when. Like we needed the calories. It's gonna reach for whatever is closest. And so that's, I'm hearing so much intentional, like intentionality, intentional living, and everything that you're saying, wellbeing is infused to everything based on your intention. That's what I'm

Hazel: 42:58

hearing. Abso absolutely. And that all of that is informing. Family life, our home life, and again, their futures and my future because the healthier I am. I mean, like I said, I got a bit of sleep last night, but the night before I had two hours sleep. My natural instinct, like you said, is to just go . I will drink the coffee. The coffee's a bit of an unnegotiable as well. I'm afraid. one day, maybe not, but coffees comes in there, but I still made sure. A diet wasn't gonna out the window. And I don't, I don't mean about losing weight, I have lost weight. But it again, that's for health. It's not for, I know

Amy: 43:42

what you're saying and I think everybody who's hearing you can hear what you're portraying. It's not about, you're not talking about your physical appearance. You're talking about your, your wellness. Yeah. Hazel, it's been, we are like almost approaching an hour of talking to each other.. Cause it's so easy. Okay. What, if anything else., would you want to share with people regardless if they are in this experience, if they have loved ones who are in this experience or just in general, based And then please, please, please tell us how you, I wanna know like how you're currently helping folks and where they can find you.

Hazel: 44:27

I guess that's prob, I probably answered both of those things with the, what I kind of was thinking is, is sleep, actually, that I don't get enough. But I think, again, we forget that for our kids and for us, for me, the biggest thing is that not only does sleep affect our whole life, our whole life affects our. And that's kind of the biggest thing for me that I'm working on. And I would, I intend to work with people on next. That actually, again, all of that wellbeing stuff feeds into that. That it's too easy, not too, probably not too easy. It, when everything's hard and everything's stressed, it's easy to fall into. I don't have. I don't have energy. I can't make those changes. And the reality is you can, and I guess mindset is that big. That intentional mindset of it is up to me. I am gonna make that change. I am gonna make it better. And I do have control. There's lots and lots of things that I don't have control of. And we spend a lot of time worrying about those things that we don't have control of.. But we do have control of us and we do have control of our future, and we do have control of how we spend our lives and spending it stressed and worried, and Hazel, you . I couldn't

Amy: 46:06

like that is perfect. What you said is so very true. Stress creates stress and it stresses people out. And what you're talking about not only changes you, but it changes the wellbeing of the people around you. Thank you so much for giving me, sharing with me your very valuable time. I really, really, I just want you to know how much I really, truly do appreciate it, and I do not take it for granted. So I'm assuming everything you just said is how you're helping people, like you're helping people to create this for

Hazel: 46:44

themselves. So, Kind of what I have currently. So I've, I, I will say I've had a bit of a rocky rod this last year. So there's been a slight shift in what I'm doing. So what I currently have available, I guess if we're gonna do it on that way is that I do a little coffee morning each week just for that In two weeks time, I'm starting a mindfulness evening session which will be all around. It's not just gonna be kind of a meditation, it's gonna be around you being mindful about yourself, which is a lot of what we've been talking about, being mindful of the So, being mind, being mindful, not just the mindfulness t. And then as I said, sleep is the big, massive thing for me that's been something that's become really important to me and how we deal with not That I've found quite a lot of things that have made a huge difference to me, even when I can't get enough sleep. That's finding those techniques. Again, they've been pretty hidden in the depths of nowhere, but I want to share them with everybody else so that they can, but they, they can have the impact of that. I'm

Amy: 48:09

loving all of this and I'm really excited to watch, watch you through social media because obviously we have an entire ocean between us, but I'm really excited I just love your approach to everything, like these are realities. Sometimes Hazel gets two hours of sleep and as much as that, You telling Hazel to get more sleep isn't going to help her get more sleep. So what can we do? Like what do you do with it? I'm really excited to to witness that unfolding for you and for really everybody. So where do folks find

Hazel: 48:49

you? So I have a webpage which is dancing in the rain dot. I

Amy: 48:56

love that so much.. Hazel: I have Facebook, which it does, you'll notice it's a bit of a theme, is dancing in the uk. I have Instagram, which is dancing in the uk, , I think I've got a bit of a monopoly. And then there's a group which is attached to the page on Facebook, which is where a lot of the stuff happens. There's lots and lots of free information in there. I drop lots of kind of stuff about my story and stuff about kind of hints and tips and opportunities to get involved with, and then I sometimes have guest speakers as well. I love it. Friends, you can find all of these links in the show notes or just look at the podcast description if you want. Don't wanna go to the, you know, don't wanna take that extra step. I want you to have as much of your time as you have of time anyway, Hazel, thank you so much. Before we leave, one more question. What does Dancing in the Rain mean to you? What is that energy behind?

Hazel: 49:51

Joy. It's about that feeling like, have you ever done it? Have you ever been outside? I have. I have. And just that, and just that to your joy of the waterfall on you. And you're dancing around and it's freedom and it's, and yet people say that the rains bug thing and you hear lots of things. So for me it's that. Let's just turn it around. Let's take something Perhaps we might think not a great thing like the rain and let's dance in it. Let's, and let's live our lives. Yes, yes. To

Amy: 50:22

this. You guys couldn't see it, but when Hazel first started describing dancing in the rain, her and I both put our hands on our heart, and if you could have seen the There is so much freedom. even in pain. Like there is so much life and so much light when things are are, are hard. Thank you so much for sharing your bits of your journey with us and the things that you have learned along the way.

Hazel: 50:57

Thank you so much. It's been five.